You’re a married crossdresser (or living with a significant other), but not out of the closet yet and not quite ready to come out. How can you shave your legs without explaining why? Honestly, you should really just come clean and tell your love interest the truth. That is the best thing to do, although it may not be the easiest. However if you are simply not ready for whatever reason, have no fear. There are ways to have nice, clean, smoothly shaved legs while remaining in the closet and without having to offer the difficult truth as to why.
I started shaving my legs in the spring of 2006. At the time, I was not yet out to my wife, however I did get her approval to shave my legs with the help of a little plan I worked out. You might try something similar with your wife or significant other. With some patience, planning, and convincing acting skills, you’ll soon enjoy having nice, smooth legs.
Like many crossdressers, I got to the point where I just couldn’t take it anymore – I needed to have silky, smooth legs. I was tired of being Sasquatch in a skirt. My legs were rather hairy. To complicate things, my wife happened to love my hairy legs. She thought they were sexy and enjoyed running her fingers through them… which was actually very soothing and enjoyable.
I was up against some pretty difficult odds, but I came up with a good plan. Any guy with hairy legs knows how itchy they can be. Mine were itchy, although not to the point of constant irritation or anything. However, I decided to start behaving as if they were a whole lot itchier.
This plan was a long-term one. I knew that from the start. If you go this route, I suggest you be patient and careful not to over do it.
Each night when my wife and I were going to bed, I made it a point to itch my legs so that she was aware of it. At first, I just itched them for a while as we lay in bed talking or just after turning out the light. After a while, I began throwing in comments about how badly they itched and irritated me sometimes. I came up with stories about having to itch my legs while driving to work and during long meetings at the office, etc.
It was also important to be caught itching my legs here and there. If I was watching TV and heard my wife coming toward the living room, I’d start itching my legs. The point was to get her used to seeing me itch my legs.
It is very important not to take this too far though. Don’t make obvious comments or complain too often. Don’t pretend as if they’re driving you insane. They’re just irritating and annoying – that’s all. Draw attention to it, but not too much attention and not all the time.
After a while, my wife picked up on my itchy legs. She surprised me at one point and said, “Why don’t you try shaving them if they’re bothering you that much.”
This was too good to be true – she actually suggested it to me. I made sure she was not joking and would not be bothered my shaved legs. After all, she rather liked them hairy. She honestly seemed more concerned with how I felt about having shaved legs. Inside I was elated, but I just pretended that it might feel or look weird for a while, and hopefully it would help my constant itching.
It took a few months, but the plan worked beautifully. I could now shave my legs, have a perfect excuse to do so, and remain safely in the closet about the true reason.
It doesn’t stop here though. As the hair starts to grow back, they do become rather itchy (as any real woman will tell you). Perhaps more so at first, until you get used to them being shaved. It’s probably a good idea to hide this fact and try not to let your significant other see you itching your shaved legs. If you shaved them under the guise of itching relief, you need to show that you are indeed feeling relieved and no longer as itchy. A little itching is ok, she’ll understand that. Too much and she might say, “Why not just grow it back if it’s more itchy this way.”
Another important point is that your wife will probably feel your legs against her legs while the two of you are in bed. If you don’t properly maintain a close shave, they’ll get stubbly and start to feel like a bunch of needles up against her legs. She probably won’t like this and may ask you to let the hair grow back or maintain them better. You’ll need to figure out how long you can go between shavings before your legs irritate your wife. Because it takes me at least a half hour to shave my legs fully, I cannot shave them daily. There just isn’t enough time. They also break out if I shave them too often with a bladed razor.
You may consider shaving them with a bladed razor once a week, and then with an electric razor ever other day in between (or whatever optimal increment works best for you and your wife).
I used a similar tactic to get my wife’s approval to shave my chest and stomach (the “happy trail” area). By the time I was shaving my arms and hands, I was already starting to come out to her, so she understood my true reasons to shave.
I hope this works for you. Again, this is kind of a long-term approach, but it worked great for me and may work well for you too. What is another couple of months in the grander scheme of things, anyway?
For the record, my wife, the fabulous Mr.s H., took that photo of my right leg with the razor on it for this write-up. She loves my shaved legs and I keep no more secrets from her.
Good luck, and happy shaving. :)
when i started to shave my legs i still was in the closet.but when i came out and told my wife that i was a crossdresser i started to shave my legs all the time and now i never put on a pair of stockings without my legs shaved.
I’m a competitive cyclist, so there’s my excuse. Take up swimming or cycling and you’ve got permission to shave!
Sounds like you’ve got a good excuse AND a great way to keep them looking good at the same time, Sarah! :)
Legs I’m use to…and you mentioned hands and arms, I figured as much. But I’m very attached to his armpit hair and don’t want it to go…but, don’t want it to hang out when he’s/she’s dressed in a cami…
I wish hair was a magical thing that could be gone and then magically appear. This would be useful to all of human kind, women would just never ask it to come back.
I wish hair could come and go magically too, Anna! lol I’ve spoken to my wife about that before. Honestly, neither myself or my wife misses my armpit hair though. It felt weird when I first shaved mine, but I quickly got used to it AND they’re actually less itchy now.
Armpit hair is easy as well. The hair actually is a significant part of the underarm odor. If you get rid of it you smell better in general.
Very nice leg picture btw.
Thanks for the compliment on my leg photo, Erin. :) I’ve been without armpit hair for some time now and I love it. Deodorant doesn’t get as messy either. Felt weird at first, but now I can’t imaging having armpit hair again.
Thanks for the advice going to start project itch ASAP, I’ve been gutted about this one for weeks as the GF likes a man to be a man! :( and i dont like cycling or swimming, ;)
Can’t wait for my legs to look as good as yours.
You’re welcome, Matt. :) Just don’t over-do it. Be patient, pace yourself and give it sufficient time. It’s a long-term plan.
About being a man, my wife also loves her man to be a man. When I’m not Gabrielle, I’m all man, shaved legs and all. My body hair does not define my gender, and neither does yours. Just something to keep in mind. :) What I mean is I enjoy the best of both worlds, as does my wife. Mrs. H. loves her man, and she loves her t-girl, too.
Another thing to keep in mind is, being open with your gf. If not today, do you see yourself able to tell her down the line should things get more serious? If you think she’d never be open-minded enough to tell or might reject you if she knew, you had better take that into serious consideration should the two of you start talking marriage. Just a little friendly unsolicited advice. :)
Good luck with “project itch”. :)
I just took all the hair off my body and told my wife that I like the look. Most male models are smooth so she thought that was ok. Now I put nail polish on my toe nails (silver) and she doesn’t mind that either. I just keep adding little feminine touches to myself.
Had this problem with my male room-mate who I’m not out to. I just told him it feels good.
I wanted to shave my legs for years but didn,t know what to say to other half. I became desperate for that smooth feel. I said to her one day, ‘I’m gonna shave all my body hair off!’ She laughed like a drain and gave me an odd look. I shaved everything off, it was fantastic, it felt outrageously good! Once I started I couldn’t stop, I haven’t had that much pleasure for a long time. We went to the beach the next day and she didn’t even notice! When I pointed it out to her she looked at me in disbelief. I kept it up and it is regarded as the norm now so no probs. It does feel good though!! I recommend it, take courage, it’s your body. We shave our faces don’t we??
Thanks for sharing your shaving story, Dave, and a belated welcome to the smoother side. :) I’m glad your other half approves. Interesting (and good) that she didn’t even notice at first. No one noticed when I started shaving my body, other than my wife who knew before hand. There are many who fear their doctor noticing, and THAT is why they won’t take the plunge. Well, doctors/nurses do tend to notice, but get this – THEY DON’T CARE! lol It’s a total NON-issue to doctors and people in the health care profession.
It’s odd – the “socially accepted” shaving zones. In Biblical times, it was taboo for a man to shave his face. In some parts of the world, it still is. Today, men can shave their face, but it’s “odd” if they shave other parts of the body UNLESS they’re a body builder or a few other types of professional athlete. Then all of a sudden it’s “ok” (socially acceptable) to shave the body. Who made up these social body-hair rules for men, anyway? It doesn’t matter to me. I happily break those “rules” and enjoy a better quality of life for it. It’s really too bad – how there are so many people out there still afraid to do TO THEIR OWN BODY that which might make them happy, out of fear of social rejection (which is usually nothing more than a quickly forgotten joke or two at worst).
Shaved all over. It feels great and I could not go back to having hairy legs (not that they were that hairy anyway). The armpits are great – no smell at all.
Men are just too scared to do these things because it’s not “normal” and we can’t not be normal, can we?
Thanks for sharing, Robyn. :) I couldn’t go back to being hairy, either.
Interesting point you bring up about “men are just too scared to do these things…” and the whole “normal” thing. Isn’t it interesting how men tend to hold other men to certain “man standards” because of the perceived notion that men should be “tough and manly” and the whole reason many men subscribe to these “man standards” in the first place is out of total **fear** and **insecurity** of what others might think if they deviate from them? No one likes to be made fun of for being “different”, but it seems like such a ridiculous facade that so many men choose to put up. All it does is inhibit individually and create a false “normality”, and I don’t just mean for trans folk. It’s widely accepted behavior and certainly considered “normal” in today’s society, but it’s terribly limiting and definitely not healthy, nonetheless.
GF was not a problem – in fact, we got drunk one night, and I got her to shave my legs for me. But, she was already in on my little secret, even if very tentative about each little step I was taking back then.
The bigger problem is my sister, who keeps asking questions like – why don’t you have any hair on your legs? why is your hair so long? Also, I don’t wear shorts in front of my friends.
For everyone who shaves their body, seriously: consider laser treatments. These have been a blessing for me – only the lightest blond hairs remain, and I am hair-free all the time. The savings in time and cost of blades is well worth the investment.
Thanks for chiming in with your shaving story, Claire. :) Having an understanding and cooperative love interest is always a big help in situations like this. Inquisitive siblings… well, that certainly can be problematic, it seems.
Thanks for the input on the laser treatment, too. It’s pretty expensive, but if it works as good as you suggest, the time and hassle savings alone could quickly make up for the money invested. I may need to consider this option again. Additional (free) time is something I could sure use more of in my days!
I shave my legs and strive to be a cd but don’t have any women’s clothes have any tips
Hi Dave. Time to do some shopping. If privacy is a concern, online shopping is a good option. For best size and fit, consult women’s clothing size guides. Some online clothing stores have a link to this information. You may want to do some research on size before the actual shopping. Google is your friend. There’s some trial and error involved, too – we all go through it. Happy dressing. :)
Hi Gabrielle,
Hmmm, I’m definitely in the same predicament as Dave having a severe shortage in my (rather an absence) female wardrobe. I have seen many guides to buying clothing in a general sense but unfortunately we are all blessed with an unlimited budget for clothes lol. Assuming I can only afford a few outfits I have no clue where to start lol. But more on the actual subject of this article I just wanted to ask what are the supplies I would want to use to do body shaving? What do you recommend as far as razors, shaving gels and postshave lotions/soothing balms? I have fairly sensitive skin btw.
Hi Kirsten. In the photo for this article, I used one of my wife’s razors set atop my leg. It made for a good accompanying photo to the article. In reality I actually use a popular men’s razor to take care of my legs, and all my body shaving, for that matter. It took me a while to settle on the specific brand of razor, but I’ve been using a “Quattro” razor. I’ve had pretty good results with them in terms of quality of shave (smoothness) and minimal damage to my skin. For shaving cream, I’ve been using “Skintimate”. It’s what my wife uses, and has worked well for me, so now I use it, too. I’ve also shaved with just plain soap lather. It’s not as convenient (lathering takes a lot longer), but the end result is almost as good. Using soap is possible (at least for me), but I don’t recommend that approach as anything other than an occasional fall-back should you run out of shaving cream mid-shave.
If you have thick, coarse, and/or long leg hair, I strongly recommend using clippers to get it down to stubble prior to using a razor. Otherwise, your razor, no matter what brand, will not be very effective.
I’m certainly no expert on the subject of which tools may work best for various skin types, etc. It will probably take some experimentation to settle upon what works best for you. Depending on your skin’s sensitivity, it may not be possible to shave daily/frequently as it may cause skin irritation and rash. Take your time settling on the right tools and also best shaving method. Good luck! :)
(To Kristen) I also have the same issue of fairly sensitive skin and I have particularly long and quick growing hair. Recently I decided to try using hair removal cream and it worked fabulously once I worked out which brand to use. My personal preferance is Veet, as it seems to burn me less than the Nair that I used in my first attempt. Follow the directions exactly and you should recieve the best result. After that I’ve found it quite easy to maintain my legs with a feminine razor and some Skintimate shave gel. Hope this is helpful.
Thanks for offering your advice, Danielle. I’m sure Kristen (and others) will appreciate it. :)
I shaved my legs for the first time a few weeks ago and it was a great decision, I felt so much more feminine! Luckily for me my hair doesn’t grow back in very quickly so I’m still looking and feeling lovely.
PLEASE…it’s SCRATCH my legs, not ITCH my legs.
Sorry about my not quite proper use of the word “itch” as a substitute for “scratch”, Shake Spear.
My bad. :)
Help, I love to shave my legs, but the breakouts on the upper legs gets really irritating(no pun intended). what can I do to stop this? I have tried using moisturizer to no avail. One thing I’ve learned, Because of the summer temps here, it’ smarter not to shave during the summer months. Any help would be apreciated.
Hi Ragina. I hear you on the break outs. I’ve gotten my share of that, too. In order to minimize the irritation and break outs, I ended up trying different razors until I found one that worked best with my skin. You may find that switching razors is more effective than switching creams. I also don’t shave every day, which helps a lot by offering some rejuvenation time for the skin. Yes, it gets prickly feeling on my non-shaving days, but visually, it’s not even noticeable (especially because I almost always wear stockings when en femme).
About shaving in the summer, I shave all year round. When I first started shaving, I was very self-conscious about people noticing, so I would let it grow back from time to time depending, but now I’m clean shaven (my whole body) all the time, all year. No one has ever said a thing – not my doctors, not people at work, not my family – no one. Most noticeable on me was my once hairy arms, but one day when they were hairy no more, no one said a word. Of course, I never discussed with it anyone and never drew attention to it, so that helps. Shave all you want, whenever you want – that is my advice to you. It’s really up to what *you* want, though. If you’re worried about someone making a comment or poking fun at you, just laugh right along with them. If they ask why you shave (assuming you’re not out of the closet), just tell them you don’t like the hair or how itchy it was, etc. You need not defend shaving and if you defend it too strongly, people may question it. If anyone makes the dumb-ass comment “A real man doesn’t shave his legs.” (or variations there of), you just tell them, “A REAL man does whatever the hell he wants. Conformity is for cowards.” Or something to that extent. Personally, I put “real men” (note the quotes” into the coward category because those who are so concerned about being a “real man” and making certain all other men are a “real man” are indeed cowards who are so worried about ridicule from others, that they go out of their way to show their cowardly conformity to the “real man” code of social acceptance. My two cents. Good luck with whatever way you feel is best for you. :)
Well it’s now been since Aug 2010 that I shaved my whole body. My wife doesn’t give it a second thought, we do have much better sex and I think it is because everything is much cleaner etc. I have taken a further step and have been waxed completely, it is much better than shaving and re-growth is less and finer, you have to be more careful about skincare (moisturizing etc) something I didn’t do because I’m a guy? My body is now very smooth and clean and it never ceases to amaze me how damned good it feels. It is a woman who does the waxing, I couldn’t stand a bloke doing it! I definately smell better for much longer. Get waxed!!
Hi Dave, thanks for sharing. :) I’ve never tried waxing, but thought about it a few times. I know it would last a lot longer than just shaving. I, too, would also prefer a woman take care of the waxing for me if/when I give that a try. Good point on the skin moisturizing. Most men never even think about it, but it really does help keep the skin in good condition and slow down the whole “aging” look over time.
hi gabrielle ,
well.. i dont know this is my query or not..
but..just wanna share that…i started crossdressing..and…whenever i crossdressed … i felt soft touch of woman clothes..and.. i got an erection ..and..this situation spoiled my crossdressing… i dont know what to do at that time .. i tried to not thinking about clothes but it didn’t work …and..even i also feel query about it … how to adjust it while we crossdressing…it was spoiling photos and self confidence for next dressing…
Hi Venus. I understand how you feel, but it’s not something you should be too worried about. It’s pretty normal for (new) crossdressers to experience sexual arousal when getting dressed up. It’s the kind of thing (non-crossdressing) people tend to frown upon and confuse for something else, but it’s a normal part of the exeperience for those who are relatively new at it. It’s often referred to as the “masturbation phase” – that period of time in one’s life when crossdressing causes such arousal. For many, it fades over time and there is seldom, if any, arousal experienced when getting dressed. In the meantime, don’t be so down on yourself because of it. Life is a growth process, regardless of gender or gender expression, so allow yourself to experience what comes naturally during your growth process. If you try to surprise it or just feel ashamed, you’ll probably just inhibit your growth and evolution. Forget about all that taboo stuff and what “others might think” and just allow yourself to experience what you experience without much deeper thought about “what it all means”. It doesn’t really mean much of anything, unless you choose to place meaning upon it. I suggest you choose to let yourself evolve without overthinking or stressing about it. Let nature take its course and you’ll be fine. :)
Hi, I have a question. When you shave your armpits, does it cause a rash if it starts to grow back and you don’t shave it again? And speaking of that, have you ever had any irritation resulting from applying deoderant to shaved pits? Probably silly questions, but I’m curious and might try it myserlf, and I wouldn’t want to spend several days having my coworkers hearing me say “ow, ouch, dang!”
Hi Shy Girlie. Your questions aren’t silly. I understand your concerns. :)
I’m not a dermatology expert by any means, but I don’t believe that the simple act of shaving one’s armpits and then letting the hair grow back in won’t cause a rash. It is entirely possible that other factors may cause irritation and/or a rash, though. If you have sensitive skin or cause some kind of damage to the armpit area, however minor, you may be leaving yourself open to an infection and/or increasing the potential for an allergic reaction. If a rash does occur while the hair starts to grow back, it would probably be the result of skin damage during the shaving, rather than the hair growing back. Infections usually take a couple of days to start showing symptoms.
The same applies to irritation caused by deodorant. If you shave too aggressively or just have sensitive skin, small abrasions made by the shaving will allow your deodorant to potentially make contact with deeper layers of your epidermis (allowing the deodorant to be absorbed into your body at much greater concentration than intended) and that may result in irritation.
I personally have not gotten a rash or experienced much irritation from shaving my armpits. It was rather strange feeling at first, but there was no real discomfort or tenderness. It’s important to be very careful when shaving this area for the first time. You’ll need to allow yourself time to learn how best to do it and be careful not to apply too much pressure so as to avoid shaving off skin along with the armpit hair. You might also need to try a few different types of razors. I had to experiment with a few before I settled on one that worked best for me. I also do not shave my armpits every day, but rather every few days. Doing so every day did cause skin irritation, so I have to skip a few days in-between shaving for optimal comfort. In my case, a few days growth is not really noticeable. If you have darker hair color, it may be a different story. If you feel that you *do* need to shave every day to avoid the unsightly armpit 5 o’clock shadow, I suggest working up to it over a period of time, to allow your skin to adjust and (hopefully) build up a resistance to shaving.
I hope this was helpful. Happy shaving! :)
My GF is very supportive of my CDing. She helped me shave my legs the first time. She also suggested waxig which she did for me. It was wonderful and slightly painful(not all bad). My legs felt great and the hair reallyd does come back slower, softer, and thinner (at first anyhow). We had a blast doing it. I did get some ingrown hairs from doing this, so I do need to figure out what I need to do about that. They looked like red pimples and lasted for weeks.
We also waxed my chest once. It was much more painful than the legs, but looked great.
I might try laser sometime. How much does that cost?
gabriella i shave my legs and chest arms and arm pits but the problem is when i shave my legs and chest i brake out really bad now didnt use to but now it get really bad and verry iechy plese help me what can i do to stop it
Sorry to hear about your break outs, Celina. You might consider trying different razors and/or different shaving creams to find something that is a little more agreeable with your skin type. Also be careful of how much pressure you apply when shaving. If you’re shaving too rough, even if it doesn’t cause pain or discomfort in the moment, you may be causing damage to your skin that becomes apparent later in the form of redness and irritation. If none of that helps, try not shaving as often. Maybe your skin is more sensitive and can’t handle frequent shavings, regardless. If that is the case, consider trying an electric shaver. The shave may not be as close, but the potential for irritation will be far less, and it might be a good alternative. Good luck!
I got an epilator for removing hair. It was a fantastic investment. I now only need to do it once a week (and my hair grows back REALLY fast). My armpits have been smooth for over a year now, and I love it.
I have to admit, it was painful at first (especially on the inner thigh area), and you have to use clippers to make the hairs shorter. However, perservance definitely paid off. It’s as easy as shaving with an electric razor and lasts as long as waxing.
Thanks for the input about epilator, Debbie. :) I’ve considered them before, but never did much investigation. I was just researching various models and reading user reviews. I think I need to give one of these a try. I do have somewhat sensitive skin, but the potential to be smooth for days rather than just hours is worth some hands-on (and stubble off) investigation.
Tried shaving, liked it, but got bumps. Offered laser hair removal to my wife and when she said yes, I offered to join her in the treatments. Laser removed most of the hair and we followed up with electrolysis for the strays. Now neither of us has any hair (or bumps, or stubble) from the nose down and it’s great–smooth legs, no pubic hair, clean underarms, smooth everything. Can wear any revealing clothes anytime. … Highly recommend it.
Married, closet CD here.
as man I wear long theigh length underwear and in summer short that come to knees. Other than short thin (partial removal) arm pit and arm hair, I can be all girl. I just wear black stockings that come up high enough to cover what hair remains on my legs. Sure, would rather be completely shaved but not an option for my choices.
If not shaved, looks like I am smuggling a small furry dog between my cheeks. Obviously having hair removal in my medicine cabinet is require to remove this hair making it easier to stay clean all day. After that trimming around the front is just clean grooming. Give that some time for adjsting.
Now I have started watching what I eat and working on my 40yo belly that has grown. As it reduces and a little muscle starts to show, shaving my belly and chest is reasonable, which I do.
I do not remove all privare area hair. I love my narrow strip from just above to just sneaking out the top of my jeans when riding a little low or unsnapped.
makes me feel sexy for my wife yet very girl like with just a wardrobe swap.
even with hair on lower part of legs and black stockings hot pink toe nail polish with show through. Love to Dress!! Xoxo Candice
Hi, my partner is a CD and I found out a few months ago. I have been struggling with a few things but not the actual dressing. One of these things is the shaving – because it seemed so sudden. I hope I don’t seem out of order but I wish he would just ask/say before he does it so I get some warning rather than just seeing and getting a shock – is that unfair of me? I was just getting used to the legs and this morning suddenly the armpit hair was gone! I didn’t react favourably and we ended up in an argument which I regret but I’m just so frustrated!
Also I just want to say, I love him very much but he has a big spending problem. He spends hundreds of pounds at a time on clothes and shoes but never actually seems to wear them so to me it feels like a waste of money – is this common problem?
Sorry to ramble but any insight would be great, I really do love him, we have a young baby together and I hope we will get married one day but I just need to know if I can set some temporary boundaries while I get used to the whole thing?
Amy x
Hi Amy. I understand your struggles and can sympathize. There is no need to apologize for any “rambling” because your feelings most certainly do matter! :)
In regard to whether or not your partner should communicate his intent to shave, or otherwise alter his appearance, prior to doing so, that’s a matter of opinion. My personal opinion is yes – it should be communicated prior to doing so. Regardless of the appearance alteration, or which partner is considering making a long-term change (such as shaving, hairstyle, tattoo, etc.), how the other party in the relationship may feel about such changes should be taken into consideration. Neither partner needs permission to make changes to their body, but rather discussing it beforehand offers the other a show of love and care about how they feel, and I personally think that matters.
Making excessive purchases of female clothing is not unique to crossdressers. Plenty of genetic females do exactly the same. Some people (regardless of gender) have wasteful spending habits, and some do not. What constitutes “wasteful” is a subjective thing. You’re clearly uncomfortable with your partner’s spending habits and that should be addressed.
It is important to establish understandings, boundaries, and rules that you’re *both* comfortable with in the relationship. It has little to do with anything trans-related, and everything to do with respecting the needs, concerns, and feelings of the other. I suggest you both plan for some serious discussion on these things before too much longer. If you cannot reach an understanding that is acceptable to you *both*, it is better to discover this sooner than later.
I wish you all the best in working through concerns with your partner, Amy. Again, your feelings DO matter, and don’t ever forget that, regardless of who your partner is.
Still closeted.
I recently started shaving my underarms and I love the feeling. My wife didn’t notice at first, but when she did she asked why I had done it. I said curiosity, and that was that. At times I feel the urge to push things along, but I don’t want to make her uncomfortable.
I have been wanting to start shaving the legs as well, but I just don’t seem to have the nerve when I have the opportunities. I have also been wanting to start hinting at my particular feelings, but I can’t seem to bring myself to do it. I would love to be able to shop WITH her (right now, I mostly just look) and be actively involved, but I don’t know how to bring up in conversation that I love the feel of a silk blouse on my skin or the way a skirt flutters when I walk.
Any suggestions?
Hi Emily. It sounds like you’re getting close to having “the talk” with your wife, in other words: coming out. I suggest giving this article a read: . It doesn’t fill in all the blanks, but should offer a good idea of the things you’ll need to work out and prepare for in having that all-important conversation with your wife. Coming out isn’t an easy thing to do, but it is important – very important. Keeping a secret like this in a marriage is unhealthy in a variety of ways.
For what it’s worth, I’ve been getting more emails from visitors who have expressed that their wives have been very openminded, accepting, and supportive since coming out, rather than the “marriage ending” kind. Give yourself some time to think about everything before takling with your wife. Hopefully, I will count yours among the positive coming out stories after your big day. :)
Hi
I haven’t had hair on my body for years. My arms, arm pitts, or leggs. I wear shorts all the time mostly womens short has I don’t like mens this days. They look like womans capris if I’m going to were shorts I want shorts. Know body ever seams to notice shorts or lack of hair. I use the philips satin perfect. Hair comes back lighter and no razor stubble. It is a little uncomfortable at first. have great day girls Dawn
I have started to keep myself “cleaned” up, meaning I have completely shaved my head, (didn’t have much hair up there anyway) my legs,chest, and have been keeping the face and eyebrows trimmed. I use a combination of my Gillette Fusion razor and Veet. The Veet is for the legs, chest, butt, and bikini-and -surrounding areas. The girls get jealous..my legs are smoother than theirs! ;) Razor is for face, head, and armpits. I use a little found product called Shave Secret for my scalp. It is a tiny 2 or 5 ounce bottle of oils that helps reduce chatter from the blades, and helps immensly with razor burn. It is found at Walmart here by me in MI….
I kind of have a Dale Earnhardt-ish ‘stache that has been there for 28 years. Trying to get rid of it sends shockwaves of terror through my family. So, I kind of thin it more and more each time. Eventually they will get used to it being gone.
Although not shaving related, I just pierced my other ear. No one has seen earings on me in 15 years…. I went to work (in a small (minded) community mind you) and no one noticed! Not one comment! (except from my “girl”friend confidant…) It is nice to know that just little changes can go unnoticed and we can be happy and confident in our appearances even at work!
As a side note, the “itchy” excuse works well for those curious enough to ask. The look of “oh yeah, never thought of that” is priceless!
Just an update…two of my coworkers finally noticed my freshly pierced ear… not much of a conversation happened and they thought it was pretty cool…playing it off as normal goes a long way.
Glad to hear no one gave you a hard time about your pierced ear, John. “Playing it off as normal” is a smart move. The reason is because it IS normal. Why wouldn’t it be? I understand what you mean, but everything is really normal until people collectively “decide” it isn’t. That’s when things go wrong – people people try to decide and dictate to others what “normal” and “acceptable” is… and is pretty much the basis of most of my writing here. Anyway, yes – play it off as normal. Very smart, and very effective. Once you *make* it “normal”, then people accept it as such, and everyone wins. You get to be the way you feel is right for you, and other people are not upset by the feeling of something being “not normal”.
In regard to you facial hair, I used to have facial hair, too, for many years. Funny thing is I grew it to help make me look more masculine and less feminine (back in my self-denial years). It was hard letting it go at first, but I always felt trapped by it. I never wanted to be “the bearded lady”, so it had to go, and I much prefer it gone, now. It really only served me as a bandage on my major insecurities of the past as people not thinking I was masculine enough. Now I take “not being masculine” as a major compliment! :) Even in guy-mode, I really don’t care if anyone questions my ever expanding lack of masculinity.
I used to have very hairy arms and when I shaved them (I shave everything from the neck down), no one said a thing. Either they didn’t notice (even though they noticed when they were hairy as I got teased about that at times), or didn’t find it unusual. Some people were shocked when I shed my facial hair, and I took a lot of teasing about that for a while, but it didn’t bother me. Honestly, I look much younger (in guy-mode) without the facial hair, anyway.
You’ll loose your stache when you’re ready, John. Or not. It’s all about what makes you happy and works best in your life. :)
Dear Gabrielle,
I am a 23 yr. old CD that has barely started dressing. I’ve tried shaving my legs… tried having against the grain, and it worked perfect, but I ended up with red bumps and itchiness. I tried going with the grain, and they come out o.k., but not itchy… I hate to complain, but is there anything I can use other than a razor to get my legs super smooth…? I have tried moisturizers, and switching razors but to no avail. I just want smooth legs, and want to shave against the grain to make them nice and smooth, but they end up with bumps, help?
Hi Chris. Sorry to hear you’re having trouble with red, bumpy, itchy skin after shaving. It sounds like you’ve got sensitive skin, which is something I have to deal with, too. Not all skin types are the same, though, even between people with sensitive skin. What works for one, will not work for all.
It may just be that you have yet to discover the perfect brand and style of razor, and shaving cream, gel or lotion to best do the job, given the needs of your skin. This will require experimenting, trial and error. It took me some time to come up with the optimal shaving solution for me.
Given the sensitivity of my skin and lack of time day to day, I don’t shave every day. I settled into about once a week. This seemed to work best without irritating my skin too much.
Last year, I stopped shaving my legs and started epilating. Epilating literally pulls the hairs out, rather than just crop them down to skin level. Additionally, when it starts to grow back, the new hair is much more fine, and does not feel rough like typical stubble. The results last much longer than shaving and there is no razor burn or rough stubble when it grows back. The down side is that epilating takes longer, per area, and is rather painful, at least if you have sensitive skin, like I do. It can also cause some in-grown hairs to deal with, there is greater potential for infection (acne) and some hairs just break, rather than pull cleanly out.
I’d recommend trying different kinds of razors, creams/gels, and experimenting with technique first. If you have access to an epilator to borrow, you might try epilating a small area on one of your legs to see what you think. The pain diminishes after the first couple of times, but the process always hurts. The question is whether or not the pain is tolerable and worth the results.
I hope this helps. Try to be patient while you settle on the solution that works best for you. Keep experimenting until you find it, too. Good luck with it. If you find a good solution, be sure to come back here to share with future readers who may suffer from similar trouble. :)
This is kind of about the result of shaving. My wife made the statement last week,”why do you shave all your hair off? I thought only rapists and pedophiles do that…you know,so they don’t get caught..”
My heart sank into my feet. I thought I was making progress with her…she even nought me earrings for Valentines Day! I told her shame on her for such an outlandish comment! I was very hurt but explained to her I was neither of those, but rather her loving caring husband of 23 years…just clean shaven everywhere….
These stories and myths keep coming back to bite us, but thankfully we have great resources for appropriate and well informed comebacks. Thank you Gabi for helping us get through these Inquisition s…
Hugs and Loves!
Jenna
I’m sorry to hear your wife reacted like that, Jenna. It’s a process, though. When someone has had certain beliefs all their life, such as the “wrongness of being a crossdresser”, it may take a long time for those incorrect thoughts/beliefs to be fully rewritten. You probably are making progress with your wife. Try to be patient and remember the “two steps forward, one step back” rule. Also keep in mind that even though your wife may better understand crossdressing and your personal needs, she may still prefer things in a more “traditional” way, however her own mind holds or translates “traditional”. In that case, she may put out things similar to what you mentioned from time to time more as an indicator of personal frustration that things in her life (such as you) are not *exactly* as she wants them to be. This is very common in almost all relationships, regardless of the terms or reasons. It’s best to take it in stride and then work on the root of the problem at a time when you’re better prepared for such a conversation and both parties are willing to discuss. Give it time and do your best to remain patient and understanding of where your wife is at with her own feelings. Good luck with things! :)
I’ve shaved and waxed all over off and on for several years. My wife initially thought it odd, but came to prefer the smoothness of my legs against hers when we are in bed. She does not like me to shave or wax in the summer when I where shorts. I prefer waxing since the hair does not come back as quickly and over time thins. But it takes a lot longer to wax than to shave. After about 10 years of waxing my chest, hardly any hair grows back :-)
To avoid shaving bumps, I use a loofa the day I shave or the day after I wax. It helps a lot. I think the texture/roughness keeps the hairs from growing inward.
Hello Gabrielle,
I’m quite new to this experience of cross-dressing, and am suffering some leg shaving trouble. Rather embarrassingly as well, because I do not see anyone else explicitly suffering this frustrating problem.
I have only shaved my legs, amongst other area’s of my body, 4-5 times so far and it seems very hit and miss about the comfort (Or complete lack thereof) I’m experiencing when wearing traditional clothing afterwards.
I have used a Electric Shaver (For general Body use), and more recently a Venus Breeze to shave the stubble that soon enough returns to my legs.
Now, for work I have to wear Men’s trousers, and even working the day after a good close-shave I find for 1-2 hours my Legs are fine…. but after this time, it can turn into complete torture!
The material of the trousers (65/80% Polyester on two different pairs) brush up against my legs, and seems to catch even the *finest* little grains of hair, and it’s extremely irritating and I end up with red/sore legs. I can’t wait to whip my trousers off by the time I get home to find some relief (Brushing my hands with the grain, down the legs, helps soothe them). The trousers are even quite loose on me but they still somehow catch and cause me anguish!
After some googling, I’m discerning I either need to find a “shaver that works for me”, or I need to try some Lotion of some kind pre/post Shave (which doesn’t contain surfactants?) or finally; try wearing Tights to prevent rough movements of trousers/jeans against my legs, which is actually sort of appealing if this method has some grounding.
Can you recommend any particular approach, or perhaps any better options I might be missing out on?
Thanks so much for your time and response, feel free to edit out any brand names in this post if it’s not okay.
A new website fan,
James
Hi James, and welcome to the smoother side of things! :) Or at least, smoother legs… more or less. It sounds like you’re having a little trouble with the trousers afterward. I remember when I first started shaving my legs, how strange it felt wearing pants afterward, but quickly got used to it. I wasn’t having the stubble-catching issues you seem to be, though.
The reason you see a lot of “shaver that works for you” kind of talk out there is because there is such a difference in how razors work from one to the next. When I first started shaving, I quickly realized that I couldn’t shave daily with a bladed razor because my skin was way too sensitive and it became rather painful and irritated. I settled into a routine of shaving once or twice a week with a razor blade. It wasn’t a problem with my pants, but the stubble was irritating to my wife when we went to bed together. She didn’t like the feel of my “sandpaper legs” when the stubble started growing back.
Here’s what works great for me now. I stopped shaving my legs about two years ago. Instead of shaving, I use an epilator now. It’s rather painful – especially the first couple of times I did it. It hurt so bad, I literally couldn’t tell when I accidentally scrapped some of my skin off while holding the epilator too tightly to my skin (because it felt like I was ripping ALL of my skin off – yes, it hurt that much!). After a few times, my skin seemed to adapt. It still hurts, but it’s much more tolerable. The good news is that my legs are silky smooth for about a week at a time! Even as the hairs grow back, they’re very, very fine and don’t feel like stubble at all. The bad news is that I end up with some in-grown hair here and there, and it takes about 3 times longer to epilate my legs (and arms, and chest) than shaving.
If you think you can tolerate the pain of epilating, I recommend doing that instead of shaving. Maybe give it a try on a small area first, to see how your skin reacts to it over a period of a few weeks (and multiple sessions).
If this doesn’t work, just try and experimenting with different razors – electric, bladed, and maybe even consider waxing. It may take some time, but you’ll find what works best if you’re willing to experiment and try different things.
Maybe chime in again if you find something that works well for you. Someone else may find your experience helpful!
Best of luck to you! :)
I love this article and the thread of comments. Hope I can add something that helps. I’ve been shaving everything for years. I used to worry about covering,protecting my shaving from the public, but no longer. I shave year round, and don’t hesitate to wear shorts in the summer. I work in athletics, so there has always been a variety of “excuses” available to me, if necessary. For one, athletes shave various areas for various reasons, both functional and fad. In recent years, one fad, especially in baseball, is to shave the arms. I think a lot of it goes back to the smooth, clean, muscular body-builder look. For legs, I work outside a lot in cold weather months, so I almost always wear cold-weather layers…UnderArmour, etc. These always cause itching, irritation, and ingrown hairs, so my “excuse” is that I shave to avoid all of that and make the layers fit and feel better.
For shaving, I have settled on the Schick Hydro 3 (or 5) razor. Also, I don’t use shave cream or gel. I use Suave Body Wash. That gel provides plenty of lubrication for the razor to glide smoothly, and doesn’t take as much rinsing as the foam of a shave gel does. Recently, I’ve started scrubbing with one of those scrubber thingees (?) before shaving. It helps exfoliate the skin and prepares the hairs for shaving. The difference in smoothness afterward has been amazing.
My thoughts on trying to avoid irritation…make sure the razor is good and sharp, and shave slowly and lightly in sensitive areas. I go very slowly in the upper inner thigh area. If your razor is a little dull, you will have to go over and over and over an area. The more strokes, the more chance of irritation.
Hi Gabrielle
Great website and informative post on shaving legs. I love wearing thigh high stockings and pantyhose. In my 50’s now and loved dressing in my mom’s hosiery since I was 10. Only did a couple of cross dressing sessions in the 90’s but not fulltime or anything. It is still the hose that helps me feel feminine most. Never told my wife of that desire.
Now recently had 2 knee replacement surgeries. Have edema and circulation issues. So my doctor requires compression pantyhose and stockings. Oh darn. So now my cross dressing is rekindled again. Of course for medical teasons my wife is ok with pantyhose and stockings. I guess as long as its compression. The lace band tops of my thigh highs were itching, so I decided to shave. My wife likes hairy legs too but is ok with the shaving for now. Very helpful tips from you and the readers about shaving. Thank you Gabrielle for providing a fabulous website with goid information and insight. I’m not a fulltime cd, but now that I started wearing pantyhose again, I might have to take tbings to another level. Gracious thanks for this forum
Great story, and it did work for me. However, I did not have to fib about the itching, I have psoriasis on my right shin, and I told her that i planned to shave it and moisturize with lotion to promote healing. She seems cool with it. She lets me wear pantyhose also, to relieve leg pain from working on my feet all day. And she was on board with my nipple piercing. I probably ought to open up to her, huh?
Thanks for sharing, Kendra. :) I’m glad it worked out for you. And yes, you really should be open and honest with your significant other. Wishing you all the best! :)
Hi Gabrielle, I just wanted to follow up with you about my post from July 20, 2015. I finally stepped out of the closet this week and told my wife about my crossdressing. Our chat went extremely well, I could not have planned it any better! I explained to her how I feel inside, and why I feel this way. I told her that I feel like Bruce Jenner most of the time. It took several minutes for it to sink in but she understands. Once she accepted it I told her that I am not going to ask her to do anything that she is not comfortable with. I also said that I have a good eye for fashion and would love to go shopping with her. She actually smiled and agreed that it would be fun. Two days later she was painting my toe nails for me! God I love that girl!