8 thoughts on “Walk and Talk with Gabrielle #5 – “When you look like a man in a dress…” (video)”

1. I am a man who likes to wear skirts and the occasional dress and I don’t do makeup or hair or anything else that looks overtly feminine. Because it is obvious that I look like a “man in a dress” it leads to the occasional stare and double-take. But at least there is no confusion about what I am – a man wearing a skirt. The gender expression spectrum is broader than most people think and I am happy to contribute my effort to expanding our ideas of how people dress.

   1. Thanks for sharing, Tommie! :) So sometimes a “man in a dress”, really is just a man in a dress (or skirt), rockin’ his own style. I’m a big fan of being true to one’s personal style and making no apologies for it.

      It’s hard to get too deep in these short form videos. They’re meant to inspire sharing and conversation on a given topic. Thank you for joining the convo, sharing a little about yourself, and having the courage to do your thing and help break down those old school, rigid social norms & expectations as we collectively march our way to a time when diversity isn’t ridiculed, but rather respected and revered. <3

2. I am the man in a dress. My facial features, regardless of one’s skills to feminize my appearance has been in vain. As you stated, Katlyn speaks truth. People gaulk, whisper or 180° opposite comment positively. You never know…….

   1. Thanks for chiming in, Joni. :) You’re not alone when it comes to facial features that makeup can’t seem to feminize as much as we’d like. I also get stared at everywhere I go. I don’t like it, but it doesn’t get under my skin or anything. I kinda don’t care. I understand why people look and stare and sometimes say rude things. I also see the world changing in very positive ways. It’s slow, but things are moving in the right direction. And more and more people are getting on board recognizing human diversity is still made of human beings, deserving of respect, dignity, and inclusion in all the reindeer games, so to speak. My answer to people who stare at me is always a friendly smile, and sometimes an introduction and conversation. I rather enjoy making friends of strangers who’ve made eye contact with me. What better way to show my own humanity to those who don’t quite understand yet. And for everyone who isn’t as comfortable engaging with strangers, it’s ok. What’s most important is to just be who you are, without apology, and always treat others with the respect and dignity that *you* most certainly deserve. Not everyone will do the same for you. Just wish them well and be grateful you’re not them. It will get better. Believe <3

3. I like the phrase social policing. That is a good what to put what the intolerant like to do.

   As to you not looking like an XX chick, I beg to differ.

   1. Thanks for chiming in, Chris! :) Yeah – social policing. It happens to just about everyone for some reaon or another. I look forward to a day when there’s less judgment and social policing and more curiosity, respect, and conversations about differences. And I think we’re getting there slowly.

      And thank you for the kind words. <3

4. I’ve followed your blogs for a few years now and am still excited to see you are still active in teaching awareness. It’s so hard to start out on the closet where I am and peek my head out into this misogynistic area where I live. In as much as my wife loves me she doesn’t support my crossdressing and I respect her for that. She chose to live with me, not Jenna. As you said, sometimes a man in a dress is just a man in a dress, and I’m no exception to the rule! Stout and overweight do not make a good combo. What hurt me though was when her and I were talking about my dressing up one night, I sent her a photo of my femme self in full make up and wig and she said, ” who is the old lady?” I worked hard to make myself very presentable almost to the point of passable.. it stung nonetheless and that pretty much pushed me back into the closet.
   I can understand societal policing and the effects it has on our self esteem. At one point I was right along with them trying to hide my secret. I’ve learned more and more though that the policing is done mostly because of the lack of understanding of the trans community. I work with a trans man and he is the epitome of “male”! That is how he wants to be perceived and he is great at it! I fully support him as he does my efforts… but 2 people aren’t the “societal community norm”. We work hard to spread awareness but it’s difficult to catch a foot hold especially when you have no support at home ..

   1. Hi Jenna. Thanks for sharing. :) I’m sorry to hear that your wife isn’t so keen on your femme side. People like what they like, though, and one cannot fault them for their likes or dislikes in life.

      I was fortunate to have a wife who was supportive of me when I thought of myself as a crossdresser. That quickly changed when I came out a second time as a transgender woman and expressed my need to transition. We’re divorcing now. The silver lining is that we’ve maintained a good, healthy friendship and still care deeply for one another.

      For what it’s worth, my ex told me I sounded like an “old woman” when I first attempted using a more feminine voice. She hasn’t said that about my voice in years, so I’ll take that as a sign of improvement. Haha

      People come in all shapes and sizes. I know trans women who are on the larger side, and they enjoy passing privilege, and look good for their body type, imo. I also know cis women who are fat and fabulous and look fantastic! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, my friend. Only a narrow slice of the population fits into the “traditional” or mainstream ideal of feminine beauty. That certainly does not mean anyone who falls outside that ideal lacks beauty or is “ugly” by any means.

      I get a lot of compliments on my appearance. I also get at least as much criticism and negative judgement about it. I really don’t care what people think of my look, style, or appearance. I look the way I do because of genetics, hours of daily exercise, hormones, and a lengthy makeup application process. I do it for me, period. If others find me attractive, that’s icing on the cake. I love compliments, but again – my appearance is about me, *for* me – it’s about doing what helps me feel beautiful and good about myself.

      I understand how it can feel that much more discouraging when the one you live with and love most has expressed a dislike for your femme appearance. But that’s only ONE opinion, my friend! How do YOU feel about your appearance, given what you have to work with and what you’re aiming for? Do your thing for you and trust your own style and appearance preferences.

      I used to get laughed at a lot in public, and a fair amount of disparaging comments from time to time. These days, it’s very rare for someone to laugh at me, and I honestly can’t remember the last time I heard someone refer to me in a disparaging way. I believe the change took place when I stopped caring what others thought of me. I don’t like being laughed at or called disparaging names, but it doesn’t get under my skin anymore. I just don’t care. It doesn’t stick. It doesn’t bring me down. It doesn’t make me feel bad. And I think when people can tell that you genuinely don’t care what anyone else thinks of you, they know it’s wasted time and energy to bother with disparaging social policing. And keep in mind that I don’t pass, either. I don’t look bad, but I don’t pass. Don’t let my carefully curated selfies and vanity shots fool you. I get stared at all the time (because I look “different”), but don’t care about that, either. Let them rubberneck. Let them stare. Get a look look, everyone! This is me and I make no apologies for it!

      Fun fact: I often introduce myself to strangers out and about if I catch them staring too long and they don’t look dangerous. I don’t chew them out for staring, but rather just strike up a conversation and see if I can make a friend. Why not? I enjoy it, anyway. :)

      Wishing you more positive experiences in the future, Jenna. Do what feels right in your life, but just make sure you’re doing it for *you*, and not to please others or seek approval or whatever. People pleasing and approval seeking tend to make one rather unhappy. Yes, approval feels GREAT! But any reliance on it will not be a gratifying experience in the long run. Not by a long shot.

      Here’s to a better future with less judgement and social policing, and more respect for diversity and humanity. <3

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