Transitioning can be a complicated, and very expensive, process. For those of us who transition later in life, the cost is often far greater – most definitely financially, but also socially. Relationships change, and some marriages don’t survive the change.

As a public speaker, I regularly share intimate and personal details of my life and challenges involved growing up transgender in a world that doesn’t understand what “transgender” means.

Growing up in the dark ages
I’m a child of the 70’s and 80’s, but it may as well have been the stone ages. It certainly felt that way, looking back! There was no internet or easy access to information. It made no sense to me why I felt like a woman on the inside, despite being “male-bodied”. Growing up, I was constantly picked on and disparaged for never being “masculine enough” or “man enough”. For a long time, I believed I was the only person in the world who felt this way, and thought I was literally insane.

The insanity was not mine, however – I simply had the misfortune of growing up in a society and culture that was (and still is to a lesser extent today), collectively insane. We all did.

“Who but the insane would undertake to believe what is not true, and defend that belief at the cost of truth?” – A Course in Miracles

Peeling back the layers
It wasn’t until many years after marrying the woman I was madly in love with, that I started to figure myself out and start to understand who I Am. It was buried under all those years of social conditioning and programming. Many years of soul searching, and countless hours of research online and in real life helped me rediscover what I knew at the age of 3, but couldn’t understand and didn’t dare speak of.

Discomfort with differences
Life is change. We go through many transitions as we grow and evolve, transgender or not. It’s perfectly natural. Of course, not all of society is comfortable with certain differences and human realities.

There was even a time when being left-handed was deemed some kind of terrible irregularity; a sin even, and children were encouraged (forced, actually) to “be right-handed”. My (left-handed) 8th grade English teacher frequently complained about being forced to write with her right-hand when she was growing up, explaining why her handwriting was so terrible.

Growing apart
As we grow, learn, evolve and change, it can cause friction in some of our relationships. Sometimes people grow apart, for any number of reasons. Some couples find ways to adapt and roll with the changes. Some call it quits, no longer having enough mutual compatibility for both parties to feel the relationship is still rewarding and worth the effort.

Share your experience
What has your experience been? Did you or your significant other, experience a level of change that was beyond what the relationship could tolerate? Or perhaps you’ve witnessed changes in friends and family, that caused irreconcilable differences in their relationships?

Let’s talk about it!

Here’s a link if you’d rather discuss on Facebook.